I visited Haygrove school in Bridgewater today and had a very nice time talking about BEAST and SPARKS and my other books. Post your story below! Go on, do it! Thanks for being fabulous. Enjoy the carnival tonight...
18 comments:
james
said...
Hi Ally this is my first page of a possible short story :)
I am 18 and athletic which is good because I’m being chased by the manager of a bank. This all started when I was trying to cash a forged cheque. It isn’t my first time but it is the first time to get caught. I knew I was busted when I gave the young attractive bank assistant the cheque, after a few seconds of looking at the cheque she called the manager over and they then both looked at the cheque so I sprinted for the door, swiftly followed by the manager which is where my story started. We have now been running for the best part of 5 minutes. Now I guess you’re wondering how I got into this mess. Well my friend Nathan, who’s been in jail for about 3 years now, was the one who taught me the art of scamming. The first crime I ever committed was when I was only 9, I pick pocketed someone in the street, I got his wallet with £150 in it. And I knew how to forge a cheque by the time I was 12. And by the age of 14 I got my first ASBO. My parents kicked me out of the house when I was 16 because I stole thousands of pounds from them so I moved into a flat with my girlfriend Meg. It’s not much but we’re saving up for a house but she doesn’t know about my scamming. I’m worried though because I don’t know how long it will be before she finds out or what she will do. At this point I am running through a built up area of Bristol. I think I’m starting to lose the heavily breathing bank manager, this is where my cross country training at school is helping me. I’m surprised that the manager is still running because he doesn’t look like the fittest of men with the giant lakes of sweat pouring from his armpits.
hello Ally. I don't want to give much away because I'm going to try and build this up into a book and get it published, but here's the first paragraph I've got. =)
I lift my bloodied snout from my prey and snarl at the wolf pup picking dubiously at the elk we had just taken down. He yelps and disappears to the back of the pack where a low rumbling is beginning. Slowly, the rumble grows into a growl and from that to a snarl. A female wolf, the same age as me, explodes out of the pack and is upon me, tearing at my flesh. Charlotte. I should have guessed. She is the only wolf that ever tries to rip my throat out. Why? She’s my sister and wants to be Alpha. When I became Alpha instead of her I mocked her as she sloped off to join the Omegas. Somehow she gave birth to nine cubs and kept one alive. Now here she was, ripping me apart while everyone just stood by. In the midst of it all I see paws headed towards us. Saved, I think. Wrong. The wolf stands by Charlotte just as I roll over and finally get on my feet. I think about getting help, but I’m the Alpha- I can’t look weak against a couple of Omegas. I crouch, power and energy building up in my legs and spring forwards, slashing both their faces as I land. I let a snarl out as I take a swipe at Charlotte’s throat. Got it! She staggers back and I turn to her accomplice. I growl warningly making him whimper and he runs off, tail between his legs. I make a satisfied kind of noise, but then I black out...
Heya Ally...i don't think i swore in this but who knows... This is the first bit WHACK! That was the sound of the brides hand against my cheek. “How dare you suggest such a thing!” She screeched, her face turning a violent shade of amaranth. You see, I had just announced to everyone who was invited to this sham of a wedding, that the wife-to-be was having an affair with my father, the absolute tosser. I wasn't fazed, I had a reputation of standing up for myself, my family and for what was right, and having it come out in my favor... so I sent them to hospital, it's their own fault for trying to fight me, everyone knows not to mess with me. No emotions can be seen on my face and that's when I’m scariest you don't know whether I'm gunna lash out at you. I have a track record of many things like bullying, I wasn’t actually bullying the girl, she just got scared and reported me for bullying...stupid slut, I was only asking her a question, the same one every day until she would answer; violence, I sent a gang of boys to hospital after they attempted to mug me; stealing, I stole my mother’s car and drove it 20 miles down the road to have some peace and quiet and to not worry about the drama of household life; cruelty, told my head teacher that his wife had the right idea, running away from him into the arms of another man, especially when he is quite clearly perving at other women, colleagues and pupils; the list goes on and everyone see’s the bad things I have done, they don’t realise how perceptive I am, I can see whether you are concentrating or staring into space, I can see the emotions in your eyes when you look at someone whether it be revulsion or adoration, I can see whether you are guilty by your body language; but no-one but me knows this because I’m the one that’s always shoved into the corner. “Oh so you don’t look at my father with pure longing, you surely don’t look at each other as if you two were the people in the room, you don’t go from tense to relaxed as soon as you see each other.” I said gauging the reaction by studying the emotions flashing across their faces, I knew that i was right and that she was a good actor, but I knew my father wasn’t. I looked at Erik, the groom, pitifully. I was sorry that he had to hear, this crap from me, the forbidding tyrant that everyone loves to hate; to hear it on his hypothetically ‘best’ day in his life. I could see that he was truly hurt; I could not see how that cow could hurt someone as willing to give you their all as he, someone who loved you more than life itself. He was mortally wounded and it killed me inside to know that I had to be the one to tell him.
Heya Ally...this is some of a possible story, no idea were its going but...
WHACK! That was the sound of the brides hand against my cheek. “How dare you suggest such a thing!” She screeched, her face turning a violent shade of amaranth. You see, I had just announced to everyone who was invited to this sham of a wedding, that the wife-to-be was having an affair with my father, the absolute tosser. I wasn’t fazed, I had a reputation of standing up for myself, my family and for what was right, and having it come out in my favour... so I sent them to hospital, it’s their own fault for trying to fight me, everyone knows not to mess with me. No emotions can be seen on my face and that’s when I’m scariest you don’t know whether I’m gunna lash out at you. I have a track record of many things like bullying, I wasn’t actually bullying the girl, she just got scared and reported me for bullying...stupid slut, I was only asking her a question, the same one every day until she would answer; violence, I sent a gang of boys to hospital after they attempted to mug me; stealing, I stole my mother’s car and drove it 20 miles down the road to have some peace and quiet and to not worry about the drama of household life; cruelty, told my head teacher that his wife had the right idea, running away from him into the arms of another man, especially when he is quite clearly perving at other women, colleagues and pupils; the list goes on and everyone see’s the bad things I have done, they don’t realise how perceptive I am, I can see whether you are concentrating or staring into space, I can see the emotions in your eyes when you look at someone whether it be revulsion or adoration, I can see whether you are guilty by your body language; but no-one but me knows this because I’m the one that’s always shoved into the corner. “Oh so you don’t look at my father with pure longing, you surely don’t look at each other as if you two were the people in the room, you don’t go from tense to relaxed as soon as you see each other.” I said gauging the reaction by studying the emotions flashing across their faces, I knew that i was right and that she was a good actor, but I knew my father wasn’t.
I thought seventeen was good to be amazing. How wrong was I...? (very wrong I can tell you) i thought yes I get to learn how to drive, which means I get a car and freedom (yep how sad an I?) the day before my seventeen birthday I was thinking great I can go out party have fun -not that I didn't do that at the age of sixteen, oh no I was free to do as I pleased, to come and go anytime I wonted-but at seventeen I could get drunk (if I wonted) party till the early hours of the morning and just have lots and lots of fun. But no my parent didn't tell me that, that wouldn't happen. No they sat me down at the kitchen table and told me, just what my future had in store for me. This is my story of a happy ever after even if it’s not a fairytale.
Hey James! Thank you for your story. It's a lively start! Have you finished it yet? Is this lad always going to be a criminal? Does meg find out and try to stop him? or join in? it throws up lots of questions which is what I really like in the beginning of a story. I'd like to know a bit more about how the lad is feeling physically, how he is breathing, is he about to give up? Is he scared? Also, I know he is in a built up area, but I want to know more, is it flats? shops? Are passers by watching? The fact he is a cross country runner suggest he has stamina and determination, good qualities in an outwardly bad lad. Thanks again, keep going! don;t let the sweaty bank manger catch him! Ally :)
Fran, thank you for sharing your story. I like the rivalry between the wolf sisters, you sound like you are really interested in them. Don't worry about tense errors at this stage, just keep writing the story. Where is it set? What country? have you studied the habits of wolves? I haven't read many animal stories (I have read one quite explicit(rude) and crazy Teen book by melvyn Burgess from a dog's point of view, 'Lady, my life as a bitch' which was a bit too strong for me but was full of doggy detail about feeling the world through smell.
A fight between wolves is an exciting beginning to a book, well done. Ally :)
i'm really getting on with this story and my friends have said it's really good. None of them could find anything to criticise when I showed them what I posted (edited of course) =)
18 comments:
Hi Ally this is my first page of a possible short story :)
I am 18 and athletic which is good because I’m being chased by the manager of a bank. This all started when I was trying to cash a forged cheque. It isn’t my first time but it is the first time to get caught. I knew I was busted when I gave the young attractive bank assistant the cheque, after a few seconds of looking at the cheque she called the manager over and they then both looked at the cheque so I sprinted for the door, swiftly followed by the manager which is where my story started. We have now been running for the best part of 5 minutes.
Now I guess you’re wondering how I got into this mess. Well my friend Nathan, who’s been in jail for about 3 years now, was the one who taught me the art of scamming. The first crime I ever committed was when I was only 9, I pick pocketed someone in the street, I got his wallet with £150 in it. And I knew how to forge a cheque by the time I was 12. And by the age of 14 I got my first ASBO.
My parents kicked me out of the house when I was 16 because I stole thousands of pounds from them so I moved into a flat with my girlfriend Meg. It’s not much but we’re saving up for a house but she doesn’t know about my scamming. I’m worried though because I don’t know how long it will be before she finds out or what she will do.
At this point I am running through a built up area of Bristol. I think I’m starting to lose the heavily breathing bank manager, this is where my cross country training at school is helping me. I’m surprised that the manager is still running because he doesn’t look like the fittest of men with the giant lakes of sweat pouring from his armpits.
By James Hubbard Haygrove School
hello Ally. I don't want to give much away because I'm going to try and build this up into a book and get it published, but here's the first paragraph I've got. =)
I lift my bloodied snout from my prey and snarl at the wolf pup picking dubiously at the elk we had just taken down. He yelps and disappears to the back of the pack where a low rumbling is beginning. Slowly, the rumble grows into a growl and from that to a snarl. A female wolf, the same age as me, explodes out of the pack and is upon me, tearing at my flesh. Charlotte. I should have guessed. She is the only wolf that ever tries to rip my throat out. Why? She’s my sister and wants to be Alpha. When I became Alpha instead of her I mocked her as she sloped off to join the Omegas. Somehow she gave birth to nine cubs and kept one alive. Now here she was, ripping me apart while everyone just stood by. In the midst of it all I see paws headed towards us. Saved, I think. Wrong. The wolf stands by Charlotte just as I roll over and finally get on my feet. I think about getting help, but I’m the Alpha- I can’t look weak against a couple of Omegas. I crouch, power and energy building up in my legs and spring forwards, slashing both their faces as I land. I let a snarl out as I take a swipe at Charlotte’s throat. Got it! She staggers back and I turn to her accomplice. I growl warningly making him whimper and he runs off, tail between his legs. I make a satisfied kind of noise, but then I black out...
thanks for reading, Fran Woodward, Haygrove
I know I have a few tense errors, but I have straightened them all out. =)
Fran Woodward
Hey Ally,
are we allowed to put a small amount of swearing into it...because if so i may have to change it a little :S
Keli Saunders, Haygrove
Heya Ally...i don't think i swore in this but who knows... This is the first bit
WHACK! That was the sound of the brides hand against my cheek.
“How dare you suggest such a thing!” She screeched, her face turning a violent shade of amaranth.
You see, I had just announced to everyone who was invited to this sham of a wedding, that the wife-to-be was having an affair with my father, the absolute tosser. I wasn't fazed, I had a reputation of standing up for myself, my family and for what was right, and having it come out in my favor... so I sent them to hospital, it's their own fault for trying to fight me, everyone knows not to mess with me. No emotions can be seen on my face and that's when I’m scariest you don't know whether I'm gunna lash out at you.
I have a track record of many things like bullying, I wasn’t actually bullying the girl, she just got scared and reported me for bullying...stupid slut, I was only asking her a question, the same one every day until she would answer; violence, I sent a gang of boys to hospital after they attempted to mug me; stealing, I stole my mother’s car and drove it 20 miles down the road to have some peace and quiet and to not worry about the drama of household life; cruelty, told my head teacher that his wife had the right idea, running away from him into the arms of another man, especially when he is quite clearly perving at other women, colleagues and pupils; the list goes on and everyone see’s the bad things I have done, they don’t realise how perceptive I am, I can see whether you are concentrating or staring into space, I can see the emotions in your eyes when you look at someone whether it be revulsion or adoration, I can see whether you are guilty by your body language; but no-one but me knows this because I’m the one that’s always shoved into the corner.
“Oh so you don’t look at my father with pure longing, you surely don’t look at each other as if you two were the people in the room, you don’t go from tense to relaxed as soon as you see each other.” I said gauging the reaction by studying the emotions flashing across their faces, I knew that i was right and that she was a good actor, but I knew my father wasn’t.
I looked at Erik, the groom, pitifully. I was sorry that he had to hear, this crap from me, the forbidding tyrant that everyone loves to hate; to hear it on his hypothetically ‘best’ day in his life. I could see that he was truly hurt; I could not see how that cow could hurt someone as willing to give you their all as he, someone who loved you more than life itself. He was mortally wounded and it killed me inside to know that I had to be the one to tell him.
By moi Keli Saunders
hope you like it ;)
Heya Ally...this is some of a possible story, no idea were its going but...
WHACK! That was the sound of the brides hand against my cheek.
“How dare you suggest such a thing!” She screeched, her face turning a violent shade of amaranth.
You see, I had just announced to everyone who was invited to this sham of a wedding, that the wife-to-be was having an affair with my father, the absolute tosser. I wasn’t fazed, I had a reputation of standing up for myself, my family and for what was right, and having it come out in my favour... so I sent them to hospital, it’s their own fault for trying to fight me, everyone knows not to mess with me. No emotions can be seen on my face and that’s when I’m scariest you don’t know whether I’m gunna lash out at you.
I have a track record of many things like bullying, I wasn’t actually bullying the girl, she just got scared and reported me for bullying...stupid slut, I was only asking her a question, the same one every day until she would answer; violence, I sent a gang of boys to hospital after they attempted to mug me; stealing, I stole my mother’s car and drove it 20 miles down the road to have some peace and quiet and to not worry about the drama of household life; cruelty, told my head teacher that his wife had the right idea, running away from him into the arms of another man, especially when he is quite clearly perving at other women, colleagues and pupils; the list goes on and everyone see’s the bad things I have done, they don’t realise how perceptive I am, I can see whether you are concentrating or staring into space, I can see the emotions in your eyes when you look at someone whether it be revulsion or adoration, I can see whether you are guilty by your body language; but no-one but me knows this because I’m the one that’s always shoved into the corner.
“Oh so you don’t look at my father with pure longing, you surely don’t look at each other as if you two were the people in the room, you don’t go from tense to relaxed as soon as you see each other.” I said gauging the reaction by studying the emotions flashing across their faces, I knew that i was right and that she was a good actor, but I knew my father wasn’t.
Hope you liked it ;)
oops :D
oops. mine's a little off topic =$
wat year r u 2?
keep them coming guys! will respond to all your fab stories soon. this is FANTASTIC! ally k
i'm yr 8, james
I'm a Year 10 peoples
hey ally this is the start of a story =]
I thought seventeen was good to be amazing. How wrong was I...? (very wrong I can tell you) i thought yes I get to learn how to drive, which means I get a car and freedom (yep how sad an I?) the day before my seventeen birthday I was thinking great I can go out party have fun -not that I didn't do that at the age of sixteen, oh no I was free to do as I pleased, to come and go anytime I wonted-but at seventeen I could get drunk (if I wonted) party till the early hours of the morning and just have lots and lots of fun. But no my parent didn't tell me that, that wouldn't happen. No they sat me down at the kitchen table and told me, just what my future had in store for me. This is my story of a happy ever after even if it’s not a fairytale.
by Charlotte logan Haygrove School
Hey James! Thank you for your story. It's a lively start! Have you finished it yet? Is this lad always going to be a criminal? Does meg find out and try to stop him? or join in? it throws up lots of questions which is what I really like in the beginning of a story. I'd like to know a bit more about how the lad is feeling physically, how he is breathing, is he about to give up? Is he scared? Also, I know he is in a built up area, but I want to know more, is it flats? shops? Are passers by watching?
The fact he is a cross country runner suggest he has stamina and determination, good qualities in an outwardly bad lad.
Thanks again, keep going! don;t let the sweaty bank manger catch him!
Ally :)
Fran, thank you for sharing your story. I like the rivalry between the wolf sisters, you sound like you are really interested in them.
Don't worry about tense errors at this stage, just keep writing the story. Where is it set? What country? have you studied the habits of wolves?
I haven't read many animal stories (I have read one quite explicit(rude) and crazy Teen book by melvyn Burgess from a dog's point of view, 'Lady, my life as a bitch' which was a bit too strong for me but was full of doggy detail about feeling the world through smell.
A fight between wolves is an exciting beginning to a book, well done.
Ally :)
my computer broke so i lost the story :(
i'm really getting on with this story and my friends have said it's really good. None of them could find anything to criticise when I showed them what I posted (edited of course) =)
p.s. unlucky, james =(
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